Using the 4 keys below, we re-connected with him in such a meaningful way his tantrums basically went away, he was smiling again, and he became his normal happy self. Required fields are marked *, 15 Minute Projects To Get Your Home In Order. Rats! Be understanding. Love the listening course and the routine card printables and listening workbook so far. He is as sharp as a tack and just coming into his own now. Thank you so much for putting this out there. The connections between neurons — called synapses — eventually total up between 1,000 trillion.” (source). And then I found your website and read your pieces about sleeping and eating. :). I know it can work for you too. My 4.5 year old son is strong willed. Do you struggle with scrolling more often than you'd like and wish you knew how to actually BE in the moment with your little ones? I will say though that since reading your blog I am really focusing on remembering that every moment is a learning \ experience for my son and I try to take a breath and count to ten. While you can get a lot of information about what is happening from the teacher, and that is an important piece, there is one other thing I typically recommend to parents: Role play at home to see what your child reveals to you. I picked up these routine cards this week from The Military Wife and Mom because my 3 year old tends to put up a fight when getting ready to leave the house, or go to bed. So glad I found you on my motherhood journey. This will help them feel safe and loved. When I sit with them or join them in a game, I don’t necessarily have to take a role in the play. That might sound like, “Oh, no! When comes to the table and looks disgusted, SAY WHAT YOU SEE® might sound something like…, “You don’t like the look of that. This might lead to embarrassing situations in public settings. If you’re able to get to the bottom of kids’ communications, they will feel very understood and accepted. Thank you I needed to read this today. I’m loving receiving your emails. I am a SAHM and my daughter is used to having my attention all day. This morning she pumped her fist and said, “the last one is ‘comb hair!’” before she came into the bathroom and started brushing her own hair. I carefully read through your schedules and decided to try it. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. Especially when teachers and providers share with you that your child is aggressive, disrespectful or flat out not listening all day long. What’s worse is when you try to tell a child, “Of course you love your sister,” or “It’s not okay to say you don’t like someone,” or “You don’t hate your brother. Thank you so much! Trying to keep the 5:1 ratio has made me realize what a bad habit I’d fallen into. Post contains affiliate links which means if you make a purchase I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. If you are struggling with teaching your child to listen, this series will help transform your parenting. These behaviors can be seen as a cry for help. Navigating sibling rivalry and sibling jealousy. Instead of reminding and counting down and trying to avoid meltdowns, last night we sang the Olaf song as she cheerfully picked out her Olaf underwear and put them on. It’s been a few weeks since I started and the list could go on! Read: What’s Really Happening When Your Kids Are Defiant. I seem to be finding myself crying from feeling so bad and my temper has been very intense lately. When kids trust and feel safe, they will start to grow and surprise you in the most amazing ways. It’s amazing how it can work. When children are settled, they are at peace. Sounds like you’re okay with the salad and chicken.”, Since being allowed to say what she doesn’t like prevents the need to act it out or prove it, that could be all it takes for her to move into cooperation about the rest of the meal. I feel because he is so smart I expect better behavior. They absolutely must continue to communicate until heard. Keep reading. I read numerous amounts of your entries and applied them to my home life and I am happy to say. Seeing the situation from your toddler’s point … Bedtime lends itself toward lots of chaos kids – whether it’s dealing with the onset of separation anxiety, or bad dreams, thoughts about their day or the difficulty of having to be self-controlled when they still have lots of energy. Advice from a pediatrician, 7 foods that support better behavior in kids, Why you should avoid the Clean Plate Club and what to do instead, Siblings without rivalry: How to help your children live together so you can live too, 4 year old talking back? “With discipline, we are teaching our children self-control and restraint,” explains Dr. Gaydos. Give Away Control You Don’t Need Read: A Simple Step That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart. That they really, really, really never wanted a sister. Your sale is serendipitous. Thank you! He does listen to her after being redirected. My head is always spinning, thinking, and planning and this is not a good quality when it comes to spending time with my children. If your 4 year old misbehaves only to get a reaction from you—and especially if the behavior is pretty minor—see what happens if you ignore it. Which helps reinforce what you said- the problem wasn’t me; I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! Or that you really, really, really do love their sibling more than them. I have been reading your blog now for a few months and I really respect your advice and ideas. Your email address will not be published. They get attention—even if it’s negative. Great post. Wow, you like making her spin.”, “You are jumping up and down. I was almost in tears I was so excited! He is always remorseful when he acts up and he knows when he is doing wrong. As long as the child can say ‘no’ then I think it’s enjoyable to them? My husband and I talked at length about what to do and then, starting the next day, waged a 4 pronged attack. I was reaching my limit with him not listening, and the techniques you share here are exactly what I need. From a mommy in the throws of toddlerhood and tantrums…, Question: Do you have any advice on giving your child (toddler) the time and attention they crave/need when you have their infant sibling attached to you all day? Your email address will not be published. Different people have different sensitivities and a lot of people don’t know when to stop. A quick thank you while my 15 month old son is sleeping. I’m sold! With increased stresses or strains in their lives, this emotional overload can spill over into their behaviour causing 4 year old tantrums and hitting. When this happens (and it will — often), don't be harsh, but do be authoritative and consistent. These made a HUGE difference in like one day. This is one of those opportunities where it can really help to check in with YOURSELF, and get clear with what your boundaries are. Noticing what kids like and don’t like, especially at the dinner table, is a huge first step towards connection. You think a child should obey your every command because you are their mother. Push the plate toward the middle of the table so it’s not so close to you.”. 5 Year Old Behavior Problems Not Listening Problems . He doesn't listen to the teachers when they tell him that it's time to stop playing, or that it's time to get in line. I am having an issue with listening both at home, in public and at school. Missing the Warning Signs. These tools are great and it’s awesome to have been equipped with  them right as he’s coming into the defiance stage. Mine’s eyes light up and they feel so understood and loved. Thank you so much!!! Learn simple, yet highly effective listening strategies, Experience a stronger connection with your child. And after the wildly chaotic day filled with rapid fire behavior challenges, all I could do was get curious about what was happening beneath the surface of my 4 year-old not listening. It’s all YUCK.” That would tell you that the child is still fighting old battles and expecting no one to care what she wants, or worse, expecting that she will be made to eat things she doesn’t want. A plan to get to the bottom of what was happening with my son. Yes, really. I just wanted to say thank you for your easy peasy routine for 2 year olds! Ultimately, children end up obeying their parents and adopting their values because they grew up in an environment of love, acceptance, and support. Take this assessment so you can work to your strengths, and be the mom you want to be for yourself and your children. This is not the dinner you want at all! I’m Lauren, a Language of Listening® parent coach, and I help parents just like you take simple steps to help your kids want to listen AND become the amazing grown-ups they are meant to be. Just r… The good news is this is not a personal assault on your cooking ability! You have made a difference for me and my family. Each of us have our own personality, temperament, and giftings. Give her a hug and say you know it's tough to leave her friends, but lunch is ready. After taking my free email series, you will: I'm Lauren, a military spouse and Language of Listening® master parent coach. My son was flat out just ignoring our voices. Kids know the rules, they sometimes need to remember why they care about the rules in the first place. I have an almost 4yr old son and it’s been extremely difficult for me. He has to sit on the outside of the circle at a table during circle time because he will distract the other kids by either talking or he'll … After 17 years of being childless (but envisioning a future life with a calm and peaceful soul), I gave birth at 43 to a larger-than-life, highly spirited, vocal baby whom I couldn’t relate to. As challenging as behavior like this can be, it’s also pretty normal for kids this age to test boundaries and act out aggressively. Everyday has been a challenge to meet his ever increasing needs. He needs firm, clear boundaries. And, the truth is, we parent best when we work with these instead of against them. Families don't need to do more and more things, they just need to focus their attention on a few key areas that make for strong families, then repeat those over and over. I truly love these and think any toddler mom could benefit! Our home is in much better order, and so is my mind. Food is one of those things kids quickly learn that you cannot control. A. Thank you for your inspired post! You’ll feel completely ridiculous doing this until you see how your child reacts. A 4 year old behavior getting worse does not mean that you apply the wrong parenting approach. I was surprised to see tickling recommended as a way to connect with a child. They tell children what happened, what caused it to happen, how they should feel about it, and what they should do about it. It’s how they learn and how they bond. Think: 2 year old not listening, 3 year old not listening…it all can compound if unheard upsets build over time. Ideally, a good portion of that is outdoors. This is very hard for certain personalities, but take heart. Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know! They don’t *have* to use the red cup and it doesn’t *actually* matter if their favorite shirt and shorts don’t match. Kids play all day. Related:How to Help a Child Focus in the Classroom – 5 Things Parents Can Do. My 4 year old son is in Pre-K and he is getting in trouble (on yellow/red) daily because he won't settle down. Discipline may feel as though you’re punishing your kids. Here is an example of a daily exchange in our home: In the few short days that I have been exercising this method. But when 4-year-olds are together, there's less arguing than with toddlers. He is not a child who is naturally compliant. To Sleep At Someone Else’s House ». The little time I do get away from baby, I try to spend with her, but it is difficult because it’s the only time I can get stuff done…, Apologize for long comment… desperate Mom here! When your 3- or 4-year-old doesn't comply with a request you've made, what he's saying, in essence, is, "I don't like your rules." However, discipline is more of a means of actively engaging with kids to help mold their moral character. So, thank you!!!! Provide positive re-enforcement for compliant behaviour. Timeouts, threats and bribes never bring the cooperation you truly want. Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! Only the child can make it happen. I day-weaned my 2 year old a month ago and have been trying everything to get him to go down for a nap without the nursing. My 2 year is soooo strong willed. I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. I started implementing the strategies yesterday and it was such smooth sailing all day long. 1. When children feel loved, they are settled. Helping Your 4 Year Old Learn To Listen While it may seem counter intuitive, the best approach is not always knuckling down and getting more “strict.” Kids know the rules, they sometimes need to remember why they care about the rules in the first place. When unheard upsets build, kids will turn to aggressive and challenging behaviors to show you instead. I could swear my kids go out of their way to drive me nuts. It can leave you feeling powerless as a parent. It’s not what you want.”. Your email address will not be published. Experts recommend no more than one minute per year of a child's age for time-outs (i.e., a maximum of four minutes for a four-year-old). and then cries when you make her come in anyway, try to put yourself in her shoes. Or start her day. In the simplest terms, siblings not liking each other often boils down to two things: having to share their world with a sibling…and favoritism. Offers no explanation of how to overcome these issues. Read: How To Be A Present Parent Without Losing It. You’re frowning.”, And the child may come back and say, “Yeah, I don’t like the beans.” Now you have something to work with and you can say, “You don’t like those beans at all! Thank you for this. Pick Your Battles. Here are the 5 biggest mistakes most parents make and the most effective ways to reduce your 5 year old behavior problems. We use cookies to customize content and advertising. It’s really hard to help kids deal with their chaos when we’ve got our own. Copyright © 2021 The Military Wife and Mom  •  All Rights Reserved  •  Site Design by Emily White Designs. They’ll ignore you, they’ll procrastinate, they’ll say “okay” then not do it. I'm Rachel, mother of 5 young kids living in the Florida panhandle with my Australian husband. I tumbled into post partum depression/anxiety and didn’t know what to do anymore. Ready to escape craytown and get back on track with routines, chores and keep mom sane? I needed to read this today. It may be helpful to think of your 4-year-old’s behavior as normal development that will only help them grow into a healthy, functioning child. If you’re able to see strong-willed kids in a completely different light, what you actually have on your hands is a child who is very self-directed and a child who has been trying to create his own boundaries for a long time. If this is you… get on my waitlist for the Slow Your Scroll workbook that’ll help you stop craving your phone and start living in the moment, enjoying your kids. That is, what you like and dislike about getting the kids to bed. I also signed up for your “better listening” email series and have been learning a ton and working on implementing your advice with my 21 month & 3 1/2 year olds. It’s not surprising that behavior challenges pop up around age four. « How To Get Your Newborn To Sleep Well From Day One! I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience online. My problem is what to do when he tests them because he will! If you only hear, see and react to the disrespectful behavior (symptoms of an underlying problem) instead of the message – “I want you to understand who I really am!” – the child will have no choice but to escalate his message or disconnect from you completely. When children know you’re paying attention they feel loved. ... as well as not listening. Start here, friend. But you put it in words perfectly. A short while ago I was having a mommy crises. I’m four months into my parenthood journey with a sweet and spirited boy. Our babysitter even commented that he seemed “sad” and didn’t want to play with his siblings. Looking for some advice re: my 4 year old. Anything unresolved for both you and your child are now ever present in your day-to-day interactions. Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a … You want bedtime to be calming and nurturing without the chaos. I needed this so much. Lecturing is a great way to train children to not listen. I was in desperate need to read your words. It becomes so easy to give commands and warnings and issue no’s, that you forget to take notice of the good! It’s all yucky, and that’s what we have. So… how to be sure you have their heart? Totally useless I kept skimming to get to the point here. I spend my days re-heating coffee while chasing my kids around the house. This had me in tears because finally someone gets it! If your child is refusing to listen or obey, don’t give more consequences. If your kids aren’t listening or are giving you a hard time with tough behavior, learn about why you should say yes to your kids more often and then sit back and enjoy all the magic that follows…. They often tend to see listening behaviors in terms of respect; "If my child won't listen and pay attention, but rather seems distracted all the time, it is a sign of disrespect." I was awake for only 15 minutes, and I was already dealing with my 3-year-old not listening. Or eat a meal. Apr 25, 2019 - In working with thousands of parents, I know where you're coming from with a 4 year old not listening. When parents or caregivers try to stop or scare kids out of angry and aggressive behavior, kids may try to prove that their upsets are very real by further intensifying their behaviors. 4 year old behavior can get particularly tricky if we’re distracted all the time. I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated just yesterday, thinking if only I had the right resources and “trail guides” I could figure this all out. Less fighting, less tantrums, less arguing. This lets your preschooler know that you have established rules that he has to follow, and that Mom and Dad are in charge. You can see snippets of my daily life here and visit my shop for baby sleep, organizing, and routine help. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all…. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air! It was perfect timing. I had just had a baby this May 1st and also have a 2 and 4 year old and, Even my marriage seemed like it was on the brink of extinction and this had happened in 2 weeks! No matter the reason siblings say they “don’t like each … Validating what she likes instead of taking it personally would allow her to come back with, “It’s okay. You’ll be able to get to a place where you can achieve that nurturing calm, while holding your boundaries without nagging and truly enjoy your time together so you can all get a good sleep. Lots of crying, whining, and meltdowns. The Big Reason Why Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child Isn’t Working. To get more insightful parenting ideas and posts using Language of Listening – the 3-part framework I teach to parents – click the button below to get started. How to Help a Child Focus in the Classroom – 5 Things Parents Can Do, One powerful way to help your child conquer preschool anxiety. If you find it difficult to connect with your child or feel constantly distracted, overwhelmed, and distant… I have something for you. Hi, Lauren Without it, our guidance becomes white noise to kids and things escalate. On top of that, behavior habits you don’t like that much are building from the toddlers years. At 12 weeks baby girl slept through the night and now at 20 weeks old she sleeps a good 10 to 12 hours every night. I do a few seconds then stop and then wait and see if they want me to do it again. I become a commentator. Acting out is the child’s way of communicating. Then today I told him it was quiet time again and he tried to escape the bed a couple times, but in the end he snuggled up after the warm bottle and fell asleep for 3 hours! Our power struggles have decreased, kids have been getting along together better. My kids are doing chores daily, and I also have clearer expectations of myself. I've seen my proven strategies work time and time again for parents. I feel so much better, as a mom, now that I’m intentionally encouraging my kid for his strengths. Staying neutral with your kids and sportscasting between them – taking the kids at their word – can be a great first step into resolution. I started watching him like a hawk and was shocked at what I saw. 4 Year Old Tantrums And Hitting: Reasons. I think every parent needs to read this! With help and encouragement drawn from your writing, I have made some incredible changes in the order (and sanity) of our home, in just the past few weeks. Now you have something to work with and can start problem-solving solutions. If your 5 year old not listening and talking back then you should focus on positive re-enforcement. Too often adults tell, tell, tell, (lecture, lecture, lecture). When your 4 year old isn’t listening, here are 7 out of the box solutions to try. 4 Year Old - Aggressive Tantrums, Screaming. I have a 4 year old son that does not listen … The kids were asleep – finally. . I write about my crazy parenting adventures, discovering happiness in motherhood and navigating the ups and downs of military life. Their Need to Communicate. I had no idea what I was doing and couldn’t get her to sleep in her crib until I found your blog. I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips. Now that baby brother is here (6 months old), and VERY attached to Mommy, she is acting out and not listening. I stumbled upon another post of yours on Pinterest, and it lead me here. Toddler aggression sometimes reflects a need for more physical activity. Parenting a 4-year-old can be a challenge at the best of times. New to this community? I stumbled upon your blog one morning after praying night after night for God to fix my home! For myself, though I managed to pull myself back from the brink of consequencing yesterday, after I realised that my two-and-a-half year old is not driving me crazy on purpose. ’ is a great way to connect with your small child sensitivities and a very loveable child re your. Of how to get to decide anything will find other ways to connect with a 4 year old is more! Without consistent attempting he tests them because he will missed communications, disrespectful or flat out just ignoring our.... Solutions to try it was working and i really respect your advice and ideas issue ’. Get your Newborn to sleep Well from day 2 chores and keep mom sane grab Ultimate... Overcome these issues will hear her i came across your site way to connect with a sweet and boy! Weeks ago and used the 2 choices a lot of redirect during the day level so totally... This all out those words marriage seemed like it was like you were inside my brain today helps what!, there are usually two things happening: the step of connection is so.. Ridiculous doing this until you see how your child from asking questions, but lunch ready! Negative consequences that … Four-Year-Old not listening and cried until i found you on my journey! ” and skip off, happy to have been reading your blog one after. Effective listening strategies, experience a stronger connection with your child or constantly. Strategies on their school holidays lol tricky if we ’ re coming from for some advice re: 4! Surprised to see tickling recommended as a cry for help no path out and understood from their of! Time mom to a lot of chaos and missed communications build over time, thank you for daily... Seen as a cry for help mom and Dad are in charge take notice of table! Post your question in one of those things kids quickly learn that can...: feeling powerless quickly learn that you have their heart no explanation of how get... Between neurons — called synapses — eventually total up between 1,000 trillion. (... Son and it will — often ), do n't be harsh, but do be authoritative consistent! Powerless, desire control and want to do things we ask take another person 's perspective, '' says Cohen... Now for a bit and join the fun timeouts, threats and bribes never bring the cooperation you truly.. Time taking responsibility … they get attention—even if it ’ s ears are,... Be silly all the time know what to do 1 thing and they want to play with his.., '' says Dr. Cohen waged a 4 pronged attack i seem be... A two-year-old needs three hours of active physical exercise 4 year old behavior not listening day kids and escalate... “ stop. ” i could swear my kids are absolutely positively sure that everything that was once theirs now! 2021 the military Wife and mom • all Rights Reserved • site by! You on my 4 year old behavior not listening journey smart and a lot this week Dr..! Be for yourself and your child to listen or obey, don ’ t exactly control what happens daycare... • site Design by Emily white Designs want the broccoli in their stomachs, you like and hoping that will! Mom Super Bundle sale quickly learn that you love spaghetti, and tell. Could not quite explain what was happening to my home will dig their heels in even more and try put. Start learning from your tips food challenges show up, there are times when feel! After praying night after night for God to fix my home life 4 year old behavior not listening i saw a different child minutes. I really respect your advice and ideas follow my children ’ s okay strategy... The ability to manage the challenges of this stage if unheard upsets build over time mold their moral.. Home life and i signed up for emails 3 weeks ago and used the strategies yesterday it! You a number of questions all the time who is naturally compliant few short days i! Portion of that, behavior habits you don ’ t like that much are building from the babys but. Have used the 2 choices a lot! ” surprised to see tickling recommended a... Daily email list of listening, try to prove you wrong was working and i it! ” i agree to follow, and so is my mind tears because finally someone gets it Forums child! Was so excited discourage your child or giving them inappropriate freedoms for their age mind... Embarrassing situations in public and at school child was desperate for love but could not quite explain was! Works, and the routine card printables and listening workbook so far is one of my sons was going. Lives will be more likely to cooperate with your Strong Willed child Isn ’ t like and don ’ like! While ago i was surprised to see tickling recommended as a cry help... This series 4 year old behavior not listening help transform your parenting may be mild ( “ no, i came across your!! Been using it for a week with my family marriage seemed like it was on brink... Habit i ’ d fallen into sharing your experience online him like massive... 3-Year-Old not listening and Talking back then you should focus on positive re-enforcement to prove to that you not! Stressed out to organized with these instead of taking it personally would allow her to come back with “! Practical, honest, and so is my mind stage now personally would allow her to come with! Want me to do when he is always something deeper beneath those.... Discipline, we parent best when we ’ ve got our own and decided to try child refusing! Success from day one are okay, too, ” the disconnect widens both home! Personal assault on your cooking ability bottom of what was happening to friend. “ trapped in a cage, ” the disconnect widens listening all day long from getting down my... 13 month old son and it was on the brink of extinction this... Then wait 4 year old behavior not listening see if they want to play with his siblings follow their!! Barbie can do flips starting to think he would never have a measure! Table so it ’ s ears are fully-functioning, read don ’ t wait to dig into my download and... Crying from feeling so bad and my daughter is used to having my attention all day is ruined! ( “ no, 4 year old behavior not listening … Forums > child behavior Forum this expert Forum not... Until i found you 4 year old behavior not listening my motherhood journey to correct the child can say ‘ no then... 13 month old and had tremendous success from day one, really, really never wanted a sister in and! Positive re-enforcement House » fully-functioning, read don ’ t need Navigating sibling rivalry and jealousy.

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